Perhaps it was Covid 19 that gave me this sense of an uncertain future and intensified my experience of the cross during this season of Lent. I remember several years ago, towards the end of Lent on Passion Sunday when my spiritual journey of descent into Jerusalem had just begun. I was sitting on my usual perch in the second pew behind the pillar, and Fr. Dale delivered his homily at the ambo. Towards the end, he pointed his finger to the crucifix and reiterated his familiar refrain emphatically, saying, “There is no resurrection without the cross.”
Of course, the cross is never out of sight for us Christians. However, I have noticed the symbol of the cross has become so prevalent in our culture that I tend to forget its meaning. I see crosses on church tops, car stickers, and gravestones. People have planted them in my garden and can see them in museums. We even buy them as jewelry. In so many ways, the cross has been tamed and domesticated over the years. A far cry from that awful symbol of torture used by the Romans to instill fear and terror into the hearts of Christians.
It should not be altogether surprising that I often miss the point of the cross. The disciples eventually got it that Jesus was the Messiah, the one who would triumph over evil and establish peace and justice, but they, too, missed the point of the cross. When I understand what it means to follow Jesus, things start to go off track for me.
Even today, after all the spiritual direction training, the prayer and contemplation, the Enneagram, and pastoral ministry, it’s still a temptation for me to trust more in my own power and influence than in the truth of the Gospel. It’s still tempting for me to measure discipleship like my culture and the world measure success. And what else holds me back from grabbing onto the real meaning of the cross and holding on for dear life? What am I afraid of losing? Is it my comfortable home and all my stuff? Am I scared of others’ opinions of me? Am I afraid of losing control? What am I willing to risk for the Kingdom of God? Or maybe, what am I not willing to risk?
Every day, I am invited to live the same paschal mystery of Jesus’ passion, death, and resurrection. If I can only crack open enough, trust enough, love enough, let go of those silly ideas I hold about my false self, and surrender all that I have into the loving arms of God, then I, too, will live, no matter what my ego or false self says. The cross may symbolize suffering but is also the vehicle of salvation.
And without the cross, there is no resurrection.
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